the hard way - pt. 3

my dad always told me i would learn the hard way. i never knew exactly what that meant, but apparently i was just like him...or so he said. i never believed him all that much when i was younger, i am not sure why we as children stop accepting what our parents say to us and start to question them. i sure did...i knew my dad was intelligent and smart, but come on...how could i, a girl, be just like my dad. but i do distinctly remember my father over and over saying to me, "You are just like me, you will learn the hard way."  

i always wanted him to tell me what i would learn the hard way. at least tell me when i would learn these lessons. as a good father though, he could not tell me what i would learn the hard way. (more on why in a later post) i am sure he could have guessed but that might have done more harm than good, causing me to second guess everything i did or perhaps if i had known what i would learn the hard way i would not know what i do today. i AM much  like my father.  i would not say exactly but in more ways than one, i am just like my dad. 

most recently i have been learning lessons on control and decision making. i have made a few choices in the past 6 months that have not been great decisions. the results and consequences, though very visible and life changing, i believe will be one of the most amazing blessings in my life. 

as i mentioned i have struggled with quite a few things in my life. mainly things that the "Church" would say i should just not do. that is great to know that i should not do these things, but how in the world am i actually supposed to make daily decisions to live rightly? more on that later...i think i finally have made some headway.

just breathe Rudy...

the life changing part...if you have not already guessed; i am pregnant. i am 21 weeks along and showing quite nicely now. it has taken me some time to be okay with this and to truly accept and be excited about this huge thing taking place. i always thought i would have kids at the age of 26...i just thought i would be married as well. the choices i made were not the best in anyway but i do not know if i would be where i am today emotionally or spiritually without all that has happened taking place.  

at this point, i know if you are reading this for the first time you might have lots of questions. i would be more than willing to answer your questions but on a one on one basis. so feel free to comment and say you have questions or just email me. or call if you have my number. i plan on posting one more blog explaining the process that i have gone through since initially finding out that i am pregnant. trust me...3 months ago there is NO way i would have been able to write this and especially be this open.

i feel it is very important to say one more thing, for the first time in 5 years; I am at PEACE!!!!! 

i am at peace with God, my relationship with Him, the Church, my life and what direction it is headed in. at times it seems unthinkable to be at peace with all that is taking place in my life. i am though, truly at peace. i know God is in control of my life and whatever happens from here on out. i have given up and given in to allowing God to have control ;-)

so there it is...the good, the bad, and the ugly of rudy, mel, melissa - however you might know me. 

 

thanks for listening to my heart. i hope it makes some sense, although i understand if it takes some time. it took me a while to understand and be okay. 

check back for the last part and some soon to be posted pictures. 

much love -

Phil 1:20

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.